Five Day Hell High

Well Benny Cousins is back in town after his five day cocaine binge in America. "So much for rehabilitation" people might say about Ben.

Relapsing is a part of rehabilitation

Five days of cocaine bingeing requires a decent pile of substance. I wonder about the type of experience one goes through in five days of abuse. One does need a big pile to continually go up and up with cocaine.

But what about the down and down part? As any logical thinker will tell you "what goes up must come down". The intensity of the highs and lows fueled by cocaine must eventually end somewhere. I would imagine that all cocaine users have a good understanding of what it must be like when their pile is all gone! It ends somewhere and at sometime, unless you are Scar face living in Bolivia.

Depending on where one is sitting (psychologically), the beginning of a cocaine binge will perhaps be a reference point for ones highs and lows. That is when you go up, the downward swing will ultimately see you seated somewhere about the place you came in. Therefore if one is depressed to start with (whether they know that or not) the downward swings from the high of cocaine will most likely be desparately low. It must feel really bad at that low point, so bad that the only thing that will probably help is more cocaine. So another line and one goes up again enjoying the moment and relief from those desparing bits left off down there somewhere. So if one does have a pile of cocaine they can stay high, seemingly forever although all users must know that cocaine eventualy runs out.

Ben in Fear and Loathing US style

Everyone has normal highs and lows in life and depending on the individual will be above the median or below in the cycles of moods etc.

Undulating highs and Lows

Intensity of highs and lows during cocaine binge perhaps.

After some time with a five day binge I presume the person will succumb to the intensity of the experience and they will have a remarkably altered cognitive state. In that way it is possible that the usual defenses and basic protective systems built into personality will also break down and dissolve into the cocaine experience. Therefore the lows one may experience after adminstering the "highs" of cocaine may become even lower than the levels the person would normally allow themselves to go. Why would someone wish to go so low? That must be scary down there? That must be a desparingly desolate place and then only to reach for another line of "something better"; the cocaine wonderment becomes a fixer of something deep and cracked. Perhaps the person is searching for that early narcissistic wounding in hope to resolve that pain in their life, albeit by chemical highs.

Narcissistic Wound

There is one sure factor involved in all of this binging and that is it will have to end somewhere. The body is not designed to take such drug induced intensity for long periods of time. So there is a great chance that the person on a five day binge laps into hoping that they will never come down and perhaps never come out of the binge alive (down again). "It will probably be better if I die during such an ecstatic high"

"Coming down to the bits left off in town" (I love that beatles song about Mother Superior and a warm gun). From what I understand about cocaine and how it effects the CNS (central nervous system) is that the person is extremely low on self esteem post the binging period.

Skin crawling with fear. Overexposure!

Convalescing from such a bingeing will require building up ones psychic strength again. That is not an easy path for anyone to take let alone someone who is being consistently pounded by the media. I would imagine that if Ben Cousins was to read all the stories in the paper and watch the clips of himself at airports etc in his reduced capacity (self esteem) there is a chance that he will be feeling a great deal of pain in regard to his binge trip. I don't really know, maybe he doesn't?

I would hazzard a calculated guess that Ben in some respects will be a suicide risk at the moment. Football is not any option for Ben now, there is something else emerging as priority one for him! Unless that is, Ben does decide to find a way to kill himself in the next two weeks.

I hope not.

Kenoath