Parent Contract in The Room

Some parents prefer to check out new counselors they hope to send their child to for help. I think in most cases that is a very good idea unless that is, there is a "Parent Contract" sought with the counselor. I am a great believer in firm and nurturing parenting skills, however draw the line going along with controlling devices of some convincing parents when it comes to counselling their children. Does a counsellor take on board the parents idea of treatment plan and enlist his or her goals for the child's well being

An Early Developmental Change Other Contract

A Parent Contract in Transactional Analysis usually presents with the individual claiming that he must (have to) change a certain behaviour, belief or feeling that is complicating their life. One can clearly hear the "parent in their head" saying what must happen now. Unfortunately "change" does not occur for an individual by following the psychological parent demand. Its doomed to fail in the short term. The parent contract scenario would also seem to apply if the living and breathing parent is in the same room. There is one small difference perhaps in that the parent in the room is also a client in the room. It is possible tin some cases hat prior meetings with Parents can be setting the scene for continuation of parental contracts around their children.

Manipulation of Counsellor

I am happy to work with most situations in the counselling room and sometimes recognise the benefit of accepting different client needs and contracts. It is entirely possible to work creatively with presenting issues that do not seem to fit with text book guidelines and treatment outcomes.

It is good to gain another client to which ultimately adds to weekly incomes however are there limits for accepting seemingly manipulative "change other" contracts from the actual parent. It is a tricky situation indeed as the counselor is required to understand the parent's own psychological (internal) Parent ego state and then deal with the emotional issues of the child.

There are bound to be some confronting areas of mediation and clarifying with the real time parent-child relationship. The actual parent may not like not being in control and think the counsellor is going against their wishes. This may indicate some confusion about the "contract" or goal established during the initial consultation. The parent might feel betrayed and misunderstood if the counsellor attempts deconfusing work too early in the treatment.

It is ok if the counsellor chooses not to accept the Parent Contract with the actual parent by carefully confronting the real time parent and child relationship just in the same manner as the psychological Parent-Child dialogue for an individual. Otherwise the going may get tough further down the track and treatment outcomes may begin to look like the picture of the baby above (top) for the child.

Perhaps a better contract is for the mediation of their relationship which must include both mother and child's willingness for deconfusion and decontaminating aspects of their relationship. Without that willingness (contract), in my view the counsellor can not really accept the Parent Contract with the parent (in the room) parent contract.

Kenoath