After Life

Picture by Aliza

It's true that the final Developmental Stage in life is where shedding all our attachments to the physical world eventually means drawing our last breath. Like the sign on this therapists gate, perhaps contract disclaimers in our relational life could be utilized more effectively?

When two people get married, the verbal contract to consolidate the union says "for better or worse", "in sickness and in health, "to love and cherish" and so on. In view of the divorce rate perhaps the contract might also contain the words such as "potential for attachments to be removed" in case of the marriage ending;

Seeing as though in the beginning of most relationships the degree of attachments are considerably high, I doubt whether such a disclaimer would be acknowledged. They are indeed cold and threatening words in contrast to the warm inviting ideologies of marriages.

Perhaps prenuptial agreements go a long way to effect some kind of reality to the equation with modern relationships.

Many couples in relationship therapy have reached the stage where they are on the verge of separating. Even though the bonds between these couples in therapy have all but severed, there seems to be great force at work keeping them together still. At times I have asked clients what is the "binding thread" for them? I must admit its a hard question to answer.



Some say they do not know and others might say "that's why we are here in therapy Ken" Some couples refer to a quantitative measure and relate the 'force' keeping them together is the last 10% left in the relationship. Sometimes ten percent of something can be psychologically quite large indeed.






Even if one removes the financial and material aspects of the last ten percent binding some unstable relationships there is still a formidable force that couples seem to use. Staying together seems like a desparate struggle within the adversity and instability. The ten percents that I am referring to are of course the emotional and psychological need for 'attachment' in life.

If a relationship is going to continue, it is that last ten percent, for better or worse, which requires building upon or discarding. Either way there will be some grieving, relative to the way attachments are working in the relationship.

Kenoath

Disclaimer
The gate picture at the top is not really a therapists gate. The picture was supplied by courtesy of my Brooklyn blog friend Aliza.